


Goodbyes are not Forever

by ragingrainbow



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: Break Up, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-30
Updated: 2010-12-30
Packaged: 2017-10-14 05:47:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/146035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ragingrainbow/pseuds/ragingrainbow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"Yeah, I know, Adam. I know." And he did, because as good as Adam was with poker faces, there were some things that could not be hidden from kisses, from secret glances, from gentle touches, from hushed whispers and drowned moans behind closed doors.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goodbyes are not Forever

**Author's Note:**

> Written for glam_bingo prompt Other:Breaking Up.

"So, this is it?" Adam probed, his voice wavering only slightly as he did his best to keep his emotions in check.

Tommy looked up at him through those insanely long lashes, his own distress evident in his eyes and on his face. Unlike Adam he had never been good at poker faces, which was probably why even now, when all the right cards should have been within his reach, he was losing.

"Fuck it, I don't even know," he mumbled, the cursing suggesting passion that wasn't at all evident in his voice. He lowered his gaze again, his bangs falling over his face. He wrapped his arms around himself, protecting him, from what he wasn't sure - maybe Adam, maybe this exhausting turmoil of emotion, maybe both.

It should not be this hard. It should definitely not feel like they were _breaking up_ , like there was the slightest possibility of the relationship they had ending because the tour was. There was nothing official, nothing concrete, they had never set any rules. Technically, it shouldn't feel like everything was changing, because _technically_ nothing was changing. They would still be friends, and the fact that there would be no kissing or shared beds shouldn't matter because all that had been situational and something they had known all along wouldn't continue past the tour. But evidentially there was a big difference between being aware of it within the cozy bubble they had lived in for those months on tour, and being acutely aware of it because within hours they would be at the airport where they would not be catching the same plane and had no schedule telling them when they would see each other again.

"You know I..." Adam started, his hand reaching out for Tommy and then dropping down again as his words trailed off. He really didn't know what to say. There was nothing that had not been said before.

Tommy looked up at him again, his gaze almost pleading now. Asking for answers, for forgiveness, for understanding; for so many things, only a few of which Adam could realistically offer him.

"Yeah, I know, Adam. I know." And he did, because as good as Adam was with poker faces, there were some things that could not be hidden from kisses, from secret glances, from gentle touches, from hushed whispers and drowned moans behind closed doors. There were some situations, like when you were coming undone within the safe confines of your lover's arms, when poker faces became impossible to uphold. So yes, Tommy _knew_.

But what good did knowing do when you didn't know how to respond to that knowledge? Tommy might know what Adam wanted, he might know that he himself wasn't exactly _against_ that idea, but he wasn't sure if he was for it either. He really did not know what he wanted; well he knew what he wanted _right now_ , and that was to curl up in Adam's arms on the large bed and lock all the questions and confusion out for just a while longer. But in the long run? He had no fucking clue, and all the options scared him. He wasn't sure that he could live without Adam in his life anymore, to truly be "just friends" again seemed a lost cause, and to be anything more than friends made him nervous in as many bad as good ways.

"Hey, this will be good for us, yeah? Give us both some space." Adam tried to smile, reaching out to rub Tommy's shoulder. He wanted so much to make some kind of promise, to reassure Tommy that there was an offer here that wouldn't expire anytime soon, but he knew that such promises were pointless and would potentially just make Tommy even more wary.

Tommy just nodded, leaning into Adam, seeking that comfort that only Adam had offered him for the past few months. Adam's arm slipped down around his waist, pulling him closer, just holding him there for a few moments.

"Hang on," Adam let Tommy go, walking over to his suitcase, opening it to pull out his box of jewelry which he then spent a good minute or two thoughtfully rooting through.

"Adam?" Tommy questioned, already guessing Adam's intention, ready to protest.

Adam made his decision, stuffing the box back into his suitcase and closing it before he stood up, holding the necklace he had picked out for Tommy. "Here, take this."

Tommy's eyes widened, well aware of what that particular piece of jewelry meant to Adam. "No, no, Adam I can't," he waved his hand in the air as if he was dismissing the idea.

"You _can_ ," he took a few steps closer, sliding the beads over Tommy's head before he had a chance to realize what Adam was doing. "You can keep them for as long as you want. Just keep them safe," Adam said, turning again to pick up his suitcases since they really needed to get going.

\---

It wasn't until much later, when Tommy was on a plane headed back home, that he understood what Adam had meant with his gesture. He fingered the black beads that still hung around his neck, feeling an odd sense of calm settle over him. The beads were merely symbolic, of course, what Adam had really handed over was his heart, there for Tommy to keep or return, trusting Tommy not to break it while it was in his possession.

It had felt so much like a breakup. But, Tommy realized, even breakups are not always permanent, and goodbyes are not forever.


End file.
